Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Good days, bad days

I woke up at 3:00am in terrible pain. It was one of those "I feel like I've been thrown out of a moving car" nights.

I may sound a bit blithe about this, but that's because I have fibromyalgia, a syndrome/disease/something that I am not sure I "believe" in. At 3:00am this morning, I believed.

Today is ruined, at least as far as plans go, of which I had a few, and one was fairly important.

Why am I writing this? Why am I typing, anyway, when all my fingers hurt so much?

Perhaps it's only to say that I have fibromyalgia, right in the midst of a flare-up, to remind myself that it's real, and to tell anyone reading this that if they know anyone who has it, that it's exhausting and causes most people to miss appointments, obligations and occasionally be dead tired and cranky. That person, like myself, may have stopped mentioning it years ago. Unfortunately, others tend to think I'm just somewhat flakey about appointments, obligations and my house cleaning. Or just think I'm flakey.

Actually, I'm one of those people who's a bit neurotic about always being on time, always meeting deadlines early and what I call "chore equity" around the household. Having fibromyalgia has been a challenge to my attachment to being so "good". I sometimes wonder if there's some correlation. I feel guilt-ridden and self-judging on days like this. I wind up acting like a bad mother to myself with messages like "You really don't feel that bad. Just get out of bed". Well, I did, and I can say with certainty, I'm no good for anything but going back to bed or some light reading.

But,I felt like writing a bit. Now, I will put my hands under the faucet and let cold water run over them, pick a graphic for this post, and be done.

Image note: I thought, "yeah, good day for some dark, brooding image." Nah. I love fabric. Why not cheer myself up? See more here. And, it's a good day for "Good Day":


TMC said...

Yowza. Fibro & migraines. No wonder zen works so well for you. :)
Take it easy.

Julie H. Rose said...

We all have our crosses to bear (excuse the expression).

Migraines - not so much of a problem these days. Don't you have them?

Arthritis, yes. I didn't even get into that.

Do Tibetan Buddhists not meditate? Boy, am I ignorant of it, even tho' I love, love, love his HH the Dalai Lama.

TMC said...

We do, but it's different. And anyway, I've never been much for Shiney (calm abiding, or the whole focus on the breath thing).

I've been meaning to write about how I feel deep down like I need to get well (blood pressure, cholesterol, weight) so that I'll be prepared to be sick later in life. It's hard to explain. And who knows if it'll help. Maybe I'm grasping at control. Who knows.

No real migraines to report, thankfully.

I hope you stop flaring soon. :)

Julie H. Rose said...

Thanks TMC.
As dumb as this sounds, I think that the healthier you are, the healthier you are.

Then again. . .

My father never did anything healthy in his life, and he's in perfect health at 93.

I have nothing intelligent to say today. Blah.

jmcleod76 said...


Feel better soon, Julie.

With regards to your dad (and forgive me if I've told you this before, it's one of those things I tend to repeat, thiinking I'm clever) ... I never get sick, or, on the rare occasions I feel a bit unwell, I get over it quickly. People have asked me my secret, I tell them "eat lots of fatty food and don't exercise." Heh! but I'm only *mumble mumble* years old, so I have plenty of time left to fall apart.

Actually, tapping back in to your hygiene blog, I think the fact that I'm not terribly germ conscious also helps. I mean, I wash my hands after I use the restroom, or after touching other people's dogs (though not my own) but that's about it. And I don't even think twice about eating food that drops onto a table or the floor. My mother would have a stroke if she knew ... but she's ill every time I talk to her.

None of that has anything to do with your problem, though. So, I reiterate. Feel better soon. Om tare tuttare ture svaha.

Kat - Three Cent Stamp said...

I hope you'll feel better Julie. Fibro really sucks! It's oftentimes so elusive and I can't imagine anything more frustrating. We all have our days and it helps when other people give us a break, so the least others can do is give you one as well. Take care, Kat

Julie H. Rose said...

Thanks all.

I don't get regular sick often, thankfully.

Today, I can hardly walk. Fun! Honestly, I wish I had some painkillers to knock me out, but I don't.