Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Dumb Survivor lists

Something TMC wrote about the show "Survivor" made me start writing these lists a week or so ago. I needed a new blog entry, feel overly serious tonight, and so, to remedy that, I present the following:

Ten reasons I can't be on Survivor
1. I'm a lousy swimmer.
2. I don't look good in a bathing suit.
3. My teeth aren't white enough.
4. Eating fish makes me want to throw up.
5. I don't know how to employ feminine wiles to bend men to my will.
6. I don't tan.
7. I don't know how to dive.
8. I'm not soppy enough. If given the choice "Would you rather read a letter from home or have a big meal and a spa treatment?", I'd go for the latter and wouldn't give it a second's thought.
9. There's something wrong with the Achilles tendon in my right foot.
10. They seem to like having peoples with tattoos, but some of my tattoos are just too scary for primetime TV.

Ten reasons why I'd be perfect (not this week) for the never-to-be-made Survivor: Northern Alaska (a show that won't happen because people would rather see mostly-naked bodies than folks in down jackets).
1. I know how to dress for the cold.
2. I know how to build and maintain a fire.
3. Don't mean to gross you vegetarians out, but I know how to butcher a deer.
4. I like the dark.
5. Being cooped up inside a small space doesn't bother me (which I presume we would be most of the time).
6. I could entertain the others with silly stories. After all, we wouldn't be doing all that much. They'd have to keep me around for that.
7. I know enough about dangerous cold and ice not to do something stupid (like pick up a kettle with my bare hands when it's -24 degrees).
8. I know there are lots of things one can do with snow.
9. I am good at making up games. Another reason to keep me around to stave off boredom.
10.I built an igloo when I was a kid. I guess that's more of #8, but I couldn't think of ten things.

Photo note: "Created entirely from ice and snow, igloo hotels cater to adventure-loving guests spending one or more nights. Overnight rates generally include thermal mats, sheepskin rugs and sleeping bags. Guests can weather the experience in winter clothing."


TMC said...

I think Feminine Wiles is the name of a $14.99 perfume/toilet water gift box combo at Walgreens. It comes with a music box that plays a tinny version of Tiny Dancer.


Wouldn't that be awesome? And wouldn't you guess that it was 98% moonshine & could eat through & remove unwanted hair AND tattoos of an ex-boyfriend's initials?!

jmcleod76 said...

"I know enough about dangerous cold and ice not to do something stupid (like pick up a kettle with my bare hands when it's -24 degrees)."

Wow, that's a little too random ... Do you actually know of someone who did this?

Also, the igloo hotel is pretty cool (no pun intended), but have you seen this?

Spend some time clicking around and looking at the photos. Very impressive! They hire a different artist to design every room out of crystal clear river ice (at the end of the season, it melts back into the river). There's even a bar with glasses made out of ice. I saw a special about it on PBS once.

Anonymous said...

Northern Alaska here we come. Seriously, that would be great. Ice hotels rock.
Funny that you should write a post about surviving in the cold today, I watched Warner Hertzog's Encounters at the End of the World last night and then I dreamed about Antarctica all night long.

Julie H. Rose said...

Jaime - I've seen pics of the Ice Hotel, but I did look at your link. It is truly awesome, in the literal sense of the word! I picked the little snow hostel because it seems more like something that would be on Survivor: Northern Alaska!

TMC - I googled "Feminine Wiles Perfume" and found one, but the link is broken. Small biz. Must have folded.

Your idea is very funny - I can imagine it all in my mind! The beginning of a funny novel, perhaps? Sorry - you said you weren't a novelist!