Sunday, December 14, 2008
I don't know if I've been naughty or nice. Maybe it isn't very nice that I haven't been all that naughty, but I suspect you don't think of things like that, do you?
Anyway, you must be busy. I still don't understand how you deliver gifts to people who don't have chimneys. If you have some time after the holidays, I'd love to hear how you deal with this issue. If there's a team of elves who answer your mail, please forward this to them. I also presume that you do use e-mail these days. Hope I'm right!
Santa, I didn't believe in you as a child and I'm sorry. Blame my parents. They told me you were a myth when I was very young. But, I've changed my mind. You seem like a nice guy and so does everyone at the North Pole who works with you. I've heard you give bad kids coal for Christmas, but I haven't met anyone who's gotten a lump of coal in my life, so I think you understand that bad kids are just troubled.
Do you give adults presents, too? I'm guessing the answer is no, but I'm not sure. If so, what do you do about people like Charles Manson? Does he deserve a Christmas present? I think he's crazy, so I'm of two minds about this.
The other thing I like about you, Santa, is that you give presents to kids who aren't Christian. Are you a Christian? I've never heard anyone say that you are. I suspect you may be a pagan. You do hang around with elves and that's a dead giveaway. But again, you're a very busy guy and may not have time for matters such as these.
This year, Santa, I realize that I'm wanting more than I've wanted before, and I feel quite badly about this. I don't want to be materialistic. So, I'm not going to give you a list. Anyway, there's lots of kids with lists and they get first priority.
Hope you have a good holiday and that Mrs. Claus and all the reindeer are in good health.
PS. How come visitors to the North Pole can't find your place? I'm still a bit bewildered about that one. Do you use some sort of cloaking device?
PPS. I feel kind of foolish. Santa means saint, doesn't it? Could you please explain this to me. Your wikipedia page has me thoroughly confused!
Image note: See, even in 1914, Santa Claus went to the homes of kids in Japan.