Monday, January 31, 2011

Ask your doctor

As I'm considering ending this blog, I'm going through old entries, including ones that never got published. Here's a bit of fluff, for your amusement (or not):

I think it's outrageous that prescription drug prices are so high. In this country, not only is Medicare stymied by laws preventing price negotiation with the drug companies but we pay for all those expensive "ask your doctor" ads. Drug companies should not be advertising drugs in the same manner as, say, Gatorade. But they are.

I've read that enormous research, and more money, goes into naming these drugs. Market research involving focus groups and surveys costs a hell of a lot of money. What a waste. Call the stuff by the name of it's composition. Wellbutrin is Bupropion hydrochloride (C13H18ClNO•HCl). No, it's not easy to remember and it doesn't conjure up any feelings of "well being". It is a prescription drug (though why and how it works is still somewhat of a mystery, contrary to what most doctors and all drug companies want you to know).

I was trying to find a few new ways of saying goodbye in my e-mails and came upon a list entitled "Goodbye in over 450 Languages".

Some of these have enormous potential for new drug names! The word goodbye is a great name for a drug. Goodbye to urinary urgency! Goodbye to hypertension! Goodbye to all my ailments!

If you work for Pfizer, Eli Lilly, or any other drug company; hey, this one's on me!

A small sampling of the words:

Aceh (Sumatra): Troklom - I don't know what this would be for - any suggestions?
Arabic (Syria): Xaatrek - mood stabilizer for science nerds
Belorussian: Pakul - perhaps that's where Paxil comes from?
Azerbaijani (Iran): Xudaafiz - sounds suspiciously like Sudafed, but this version would be effervescent
Coeur d'Alene (Idaho, United States): Qhest - renders you happy in spite of existential angst - maybe it's the potatoes
Finnish: Kuulemiin - meaning, "until I hear from you" which suggests a short-term pharmacological intervention - possibly for anxiety related to anticipating test results?
Ilonggo (Philippines): Panamilit - when they know enough about memory to target specifics - this one would be to enhance the ability to learn Central American language
Khakas (Siberia): Animçox - oh so much more than your ordinary erectile dysfunction tablet - it turns you into the stud you never were
Malay (Malaysia, Brunei): Permisi - performance anxiety blocker - excellent companion drug to the one above
Mapuche (Argentina, Chile): Peukallal - a mild purgative, of course
Mòoré (Burkina Faso): Niidare - goodbye to nihilistic thoughts, just by taking a pill - it's a miracle!
Livonian (Latvia): Nemizpäl - antipsychotic for social anxiety and mild paranoia
Náhuatl (Mexico): Amoxtla and Quinmoxtia - remedies mild megalomania (otherwise known as moxie or chutzpah) - in two dosage configurations
Turkish (Turkey, Northern Cyprus): Elveda - sedative for elevation phobia or euphoric - highly addictive

Don't forget to ask your doctor. Side effects include: head scratching, misdiagnosis, bewilderment and ridicule.


Dick Fischbeck said...

Has life become uninteresting? I hope not.

jmcleod76 said...

Ha! Hilarious.